That word

Being raised by Christian parents, having gone to a Christian school, having grown up going to church, saying "amen" after someone else says "amen" is just automatic. The word is Hebrew for "I agree", so saying "amen" after someone else has prayed is saying, "Yes, I agree with what they have just said, I am adding my voice to theirs." So I try and make it a concious thing of saying "amen" when someone else prays, that when I say amen, I try and make sure I've understood and is comfortable with what they have said. If I don't like something they've said, I'll try not to say that word. And when I do say it, I say it out loud, so that I can be heard, so as to publicly give my support to the person who said the prayer.

I say that if there's something that doesn't sit well with me, I try not to say it. It is a concious thing when I say that word, but it's also built into me and partly an automatic response, like I might start saying it before my mind has finished processing what the other person prayed, which most of the time isn't a problem because I wouldn't choose to be part of a religious community which teaches things that I don't agree with, and so the people who I pray with tend to be people who have the same basic, fundamental beliefs and values as me.

I've been borrowing some DVDs from a friend of mine. There's this one show that she's been lending me called "Big Love", about a polygamist surburban mormon family. It's an interesting show, interesting characters, etc. and one of the things I like about the show is that the actual show itself doesn't impose a value judgement on that lifestyle. The characters in the show do, but not the show itself.

Anyway, I don't subscribe to mormonism. I don't believe it is Christianity, although just like any other religion that isn't my own, I don't disrespect mormons, either. I watch it because it's an interesting show, just like I might watch a show about characters that are atheist, or agnostic, or muslim, or Jewish, or Hindu, or Buddhist etc. if it's an interesting show. But the family in this show might gather around to pray, the father prays something or other, says "amen" and the rest of his family says "amen", and I'm sitting there, watching this show on the couch on my own, watching these fictional people pray about their fictional lives about some thing that I wouldn't subscribe to even if it wasn't fictional, the characters say "amen" and, without thinking, without even being aware that I'm about to say it, I say "ame-uh... I mean... crap."