Pancake Day!

My birthday will be arriving soon and I've organised myself a party! Not on my actual birthday but a couple days after it. I'm looking forward to it :D

Anyway, it took me ages to decide what I wanted to do and I ended up going for a little party with friends at the Pancake Parlour.

Anyway, either I or Pancake Parlour must be popular (my money's on the pancakes) because I already have more positive replies than I thought I'd get by now, and from people who I didn't necessarily expect would come but who I invited anyway.

It might be interesting. I have different people from different parts of my world coming. From school friends to church friends to TAFE friends, all with very different ways of approaching life and many with colourful lives and personalities. I had one moment when I looked at the guest list and who was coming and I thought, "What have I done?" but I think it'll be fun, and some of these people have encountered each other before.

The Issue with Casual Work

At the moment I have two casual jobs while I'm looking for a more regular full-time job. The problem with casual jobs is that they often change on you.

ORIGINAL PLAN:
Wednesday: job (2)
Thursday: job (1)
Friday: visit friend

So I go to job (2) on Wednesday and boss (2) asks me if I can come in tomorrow (Thurdsday) as well. I have job (1) on that day so I tell her no. She asks about Friday. I have social plans on Friday but I do need the work, I already felt bad for saying no to Thursday, and as much as I was looking forward to it, the social engagement is something that can be rescheduled.

After work Wednesday night I get a message from boss (1) saying that he won't have the work ready for me on Thursday after all, can I come in on Friday, instead? Now, I've already cancelled social engagement so I can go to job (2) and it's too late to reschedule job (2) to Thursday so I tell boss (1) that I can't and he'll have to wait until Monday.

So that means I have Thursday off even though I thought I was going to be working. But then on Thursday evening I get a call from boss (2) asking me they don't really need me on Friday after all, they didn't have as much work for me as they thought they did. Which means now that my Friday is free after all. I already told boss (1) that I can't come on Friday, so I decide to messsage my friend to see if she's up for un-cancelling. Quite reasonably, she already made alternative plans.

We've rescheduled, though, and maybe this time I will give the social engagement priority over work if either of them ask me to work on that day.

See You Later, Alligator... or not.

Just had my last day of TAFE and I can't help but feel sad about it. There may be some people I saw today that I may never see again, and it's like, a part of me wants to make some epic goodbye to these people I've known for a year, for some of them more, but my relationship with most of them isn't really sufficient enough for anything more than a regular "goodbye" to be appropriate, maybe a wave or a handshake at most. And I leave with a feeling that I haven't expressed myself to these people who have shared a stage or part of a stage of my life with me. Maybe I've gotten too attached to these people, many of whom are merely friendly aquaintances at best.

Truth is, many of them I will see again. Tomorrow, in fact, with the Awards Night. And who knows? Maybe I'll bump into them every now and then, but I can't really guarantee which ones I will see again and which ones I won't. Also, facebook makes it almost seem like goodbyes aren't as significant anymore because I might still be able to follow them on facebook and keep tabs on them, which is a bit of a double-sided coin. On one hand, it means that goodbye doesn't necessarily mean so long, but on the other hand, the goodbyes seem almost lessened, less significant, and I like my goodbyes, at least my "I won't see you later" goodbyes to be at least somewhat meaningful.

Speaking of "I won't see you later", that is one of my pet peeves, the term "See you later". Having said that, it's a term I use all the time myself. And I don't really mind it when I know I will see them later. But it's like, end of class, I go up to my teacher to say goodbye. I'm about to say, "I'll see you later" as I usually do at the end of class when suddenly it hits me that although it's possible that sometime in the future we may cross paths, it's not guaranteed and I may not, in fact, see him later. So I say, "Goodbye," instead. And, "And I might not see you later, this is my last year." And I tell him I appreciate his teachingness and all that stuff, and he says thanks and that he appreciates that and blah blah blah and then as I leave, he says, "See you later, Green."

And I'm thinking, NO, JUST SAY GOODBYE! WHAT IF I DON'T SEE YOU LATER? THEN IT MEANS THAT YOU'VE JUST LIED TO ME!!

In any case, I saw him again about two minutes later when I was with my friend who went to re-enroll next year and he was doing the re-enrollments so he hadn't in fact lied to me that time at all. Except that he said, "See you later," again when I left again. Humph.

I've occasionally fancied that on my death bed, my last words would be "See you later."

Anyway, there's the awards night tomorrow night and I'm going to say goodbye to some of the people who aren't necessarily my friends but who I am fond of. Some of the people will be going into the city to this pub afterwards and I'll go with them, so I can spend more time with these people who are only barely my friends before our association is doomed to the shallowness of facebook-following.

What Are You Looking At?

Well, I've officially moved out of my parents' house... into another family's house! I've traded my family for a different one. For the time being. It's only temporary but it gives me a bit more time to find a more permanent place.

In case anyone was wondering what happened to the houses I mentioned in a previous post, I was almost going to move in to one of the houses when I just got a bad feeling about it. I didn't like the way the landlord was doing business, and so I kind of bailed at the last minute. A couple of times I wondered if it was the right thing to do, considering how cheap the rent was, but... well, there was a reason the rent was cheap, and I think I am a fairly good judge of character. But some family friends have offered to lend out their room for me for a couple of months, which gives me a bit more time to find a new place.

My mum probably would have moved out by now, too.

The family is a lovely one. Eel, the mother, has been lovely and welcoming. I haven't seen as much of Bike, the dad, since I moved in, today being the first day I've seen him at home. (He may have been around yesterday but I was out until late then.) Then there are the daughters, Cubby (who is finishing her first year of Uni) and Jet (who is nearing the end of year nine.) Then there is Millie, the dog, who has decided that she is my new best friend.

One thing I'm sad about, though, is that there's only one week left of TAFE, and what's worse, I don't plan on going back next year. I'm going to miss it sooo much! I'll miss the people there, the teachers, the classes, probably even the buildings... it's such a cool place to be. I recently got an email from a friend of mine who used to do the course and now is studying something else at Box Hill, and she said that while at Holmesglen everyone talked to each other and knew each other, and she felt welcomed and made friends, but at Box Hill she said there's no social equity, that it's all organised into cliques, and that she just hasn't been able get to know anybody. And I have felt that I've always been able to talk to people at TAFE, I have made some wonderful friends who I still am in contact with even though some of them are no longer doing the course, as well as those people who I probably won't stay in contact with but who have been a pleasure to know and have always been willing to hang out or chat. It is the latter that I'm going to miss, (as the former I can always make plans to see each other and visit each other.) It's those people who you like and get along with, but haven't quite gotten to know each other well enough to make plans outside of TAFE. This is what facebook is good for, I imagine, as I would still be able to stay in contact with many of them, but it's still not the same.

Yesterday was the booklaunch for our class to launch our book, "What Are You Looking At?" for Small Press Publishing, and we had John Safran (who contributed to the foreword) launch the book for us. The booklaunch was at Borders. Anyway, the teacher had given me a tray of sushi to offer to people, which I was doing when I saw John Safran arrive. I just happened to be the first to notice him arrive and so I approached him and offered him some sushi. He said, "Oh no! I just had that exact same thing downstairs. If only I had known!"

Anyway, they did the speeches and the launch and I went around getting my copy of the book autographed by the various authors in it, as well as John Safran. He writes on my book (in large, capital letters)

HELLO GREEN THANK YOU FOR OFFERING ME SUSHI. I WOULD HAVE HAD SOME BUT I'D JUST HAD SOME DOWNSTAIRS. (signed John Safran).

Afterwards some of us went to the city to celebrate at a pub, and it was fun. I didn't get back to my (new) home until just after midnight.

mums are girls and dads are boys

I had a pretty good day today, overall. My good friend, jestar goes to this mother's group and she was saying how the place needed more helpers to look after the kids while the mothers talked, and so invited me to come along so I could be a helper. I decided to come along and I got a lot out of the experience. I think I will continue volunteering there for the time being while my Thursdays are free.

I don't really understand people who don't like kids. Is frustrated by kids, is confounded by kids, is worn out by kids, is overwhelmed by kids, is scared of kids, does not relate to kids, is not good with kids, yeah, those are all things I get. Don't like kids? How is that possible? These creatures, all completely human creatures, all possessing human genius and imagination, but who have not learned to be held back by self-imposed social restrictions.

They were all beautiful, each in their own individual way.

One highlight:

Girl1: Did you know... I'm a girl, and my mum's also a girl!
Me: Yeah?
Girl2: Yeah! And, and, my mum's also a girl, and I'm a girl, too!
Girl1: But my dad's a boy.
Girl2: Yeah, my dad's a boy, too.
Girl1: I think it's because mums are girls and dads are boys.
Me: That's very true. I also have a mum who is a girl and a dad who is a boy.

Afterwards I went back with jestar to her house and hung out with her. She's a wonderful friend and I love spending time with her. It was a pretty good day.

However, not so good is that today mum was saying that I might have to choose between going to Castlemaine with her, or Sydney with dad, if I can't find a way to support myself so I can stay in Melbourne.

Which sucks.

My week

Saturday: Went to a 21st. It was a lot of fun, got to chat with some friends, as well as met a couple of people for the first time.

Sunday: Went to a friend's house after her husband got into a car accident. And also went to church.

Today: I'm at my friend's house while my mum's giving her husband a lift to the hospital. My friend is lying with her toddler until he gets to sleep. I will stay the night and walk to class in the morning from here.

Wednesday: Going to hang out with a (different) friend after class and then going to go to bible study.

Saturday: Going to the city to meet up with some friends I know from the internet. I've met them in person once before. One of them is from America.

Sunday: There's some open forum happening before church, something about gender equality from a biblical/Christian perspective, I think, which sounds interesting, so I think I will go to that. Then, church.

The baby's still not asleep. I have a feeling it may be a long night.

I'm a Winner!

I still remember the first time I ever won something. Or, at least, it's the earliest memory I have of winning something... but I do remember that, at the time, moments before I won the thing, I was reflecting on how I never win anything. Then, I won it... it was a card of the Hamburgler, I think, one of those things that you put in the oven and when it comes out it's shrunk and turned into this hard, thick, plastic thing that, if you wanted to, you could put a piece of string through the little hole at the top and tie it around your neck or something? I even remember how I reacted when I won. It was just like, "Oh, ok, I didn't really expect that to happen."

Considering I was about ten years old at the time, it seemed silly how I lamented how I never win anything, since I hadn't really been alive for that long to have had many opportunities to win a whole lot. Still, I suppose ten years feels like your entire life when you're only ten years old.

Today, I went to this church social event for women, this Women's Movie and Dessert night or something. Brought a couple friends with me and had a nice time. They had a free raffle... now, I never win raffles when I pay for it, but I have some uncanny luck when it comes to free raffles where I get a ticket just for turning up, like at, say, church events. I have an "Admit Two" pass to Pinewood Shopping Centre. I already know what I want to see. I want to see "Bran Nue Dae." The question is, who do I want to see it with?

There's a part of me that wants me to ask Yew again, give it another go, but I already know he's not interested and I'd just be embarrassing myself. I'll probably just ask one of my friends.

A good day... almost

Today was mostly a good day, but... you know you have those days which the whole day was good except for maybe one thing and right at the end you feel kind of melancholy, still? Or... a day where everything goes wrong except you find at the end of the day, you're somehow, miraculously, in a good mood, anyway? So today was a good day, I suppose, for the most part. Had my second "Small Press Publishing" class today. When I first signed up for that class I wasn't sure what it'd be like but I'm REALLY enjoying it so far, it looks like it could be a lot of fun. We get to publish at least two, possibly up to four magazines, plus a book. It's pretty exciting and it'd feel great at the end of the year to actually have those magazines and that book, physically there, that I can say I, personally, was involved in the production of.

Afterwards I visited my friends who are having some troubles with their marriage, and while I was there my hand, without consulting my brain, sent a phone message inviting this guy I know, (I'll call him Yew) asking if he wanted to have lunch on Saturday. I was relieved when it didn't send because of bad reception, up until my rebellious hand just went and resent it. It sent the second time. I didn't have the opportunity to immediately freak out, though, because I was still with my friends.

When Yew replied, it was a rejection and, I won't say that I wasn't disappointed, but I think I was okay with it. I was kind of expecting it and it's not like I wanted to slit my wrists or anything, but I guess I wasn't very chirpy, either, because my friends kept asking me "What's wrong?" and "Is everything ok?" even though I didn't think I was acting that differently, except maybe that I was a little distracted. I told them I was tired, which wasn't a lie. (I don't open up to them about boys anymore since the last time... that hour-long lecture I got was, although well-meaning, also a little bit painful.)

I said I'd take the train home but my friend said he'd give me a lift, and he did, and I tried to be a good listener as he opened up to me about the troubles in his marriage, which were a lot more serious than my troubles. I kind of feel bad that these friends of mine seem a lot more ready to open up to me than me to them, but it's not like I pressure them to open up to me, they choose to do so out of their own free will. But I don't like the way they feel "sorry" for me if I open up to them, nor do I find their advice or insights about these sorts of things all that helpful. Anyway, their marriage involving a child potentially breaking up is a lot more serious than some guy rejecting a lunch invitation, but I was tired and I wanted to be on my own to feel a little bit sad about my tiny little thing.

I find it hard, though, marriages are breaking up all around me, people in Haiti, as well as many other places in the world, are suffering terribly, people are struggling to support their families, people with diseases living everyday with pain I've never experienced even once in my life. Sometimes I find it hard to let myself feel sad about something so little like being rejected.

Looking back I guess my day was, overall, a good day, in that I really enjoyed my class, and it was bright and sunny and nice, and I got a lift home.