A good day... almost

Today was mostly a good day, but... you know you have those days which the whole day was good except for maybe one thing and right at the end you feel kind of melancholy, still? Or... a day where everything goes wrong except you find at the end of the day, you're somehow, miraculously, in a good mood, anyway? So today was a good day, I suppose, for the most part. Had my second "Small Press Publishing" class today. When I first signed up for that class I wasn't sure what it'd be like but I'm REALLY enjoying it so far, it looks like it could be a lot of fun. We get to publish at least two, possibly up to four magazines, plus a book. It's pretty exciting and it'd feel great at the end of the year to actually have those magazines and that book, physically there, that I can say I, personally, was involved in the production of.

Afterwards I visited my friends who are having some troubles with their marriage, and while I was there my hand, without consulting my brain, sent a phone message inviting this guy I know, (I'll call him Yew) asking if he wanted to have lunch on Saturday. I was relieved when it didn't send because of bad reception, up until my rebellious hand just went and resent it. It sent the second time. I didn't have the opportunity to immediately freak out, though, because I was still with my friends.

When Yew replied, it was a rejection and, I won't say that I wasn't disappointed, but I think I was okay with it. I was kind of expecting it and it's not like I wanted to slit my wrists or anything, but I guess I wasn't very chirpy, either, because my friends kept asking me "What's wrong?" and "Is everything ok?" even though I didn't think I was acting that differently, except maybe that I was a little distracted. I told them I was tired, which wasn't a lie. (I don't open up to them about boys anymore since the last time... that hour-long lecture I got was, although well-meaning, also a little bit painful.)

I said I'd take the train home but my friend said he'd give me a lift, and he did, and I tried to be a good listener as he opened up to me about the troubles in his marriage, which were a lot more serious than my troubles. I kind of feel bad that these friends of mine seem a lot more ready to open up to me than me to them, but it's not like I pressure them to open up to me, they choose to do so out of their own free will. But I don't like the way they feel "sorry" for me if I open up to them, nor do I find their advice or insights about these sorts of things all that helpful. Anyway, their marriage involving a child potentially breaking up is a lot more serious than some guy rejecting a lunch invitation, but I was tired and I wanted to be on my own to feel a little bit sad about my tiny little thing.

I find it hard, though, marriages are breaking up all around me, people in Haiti, as well as many other places in the world, are suffering terribly, people are struggling to support their families, people with diseases living everyday with pain I've never experienced even once in my life. Sometimes I find it hard to let myself feel sad about something so little like being rejected.

Looking back I guess my day was, overall, a good day, in that I really enjoyed my class, and it was bright and sunny and nice, and I got a lift home.