So as I mentioned in my last post, I've traded my own family with a new one as a small step before setting out on my own. Except... the mother here is a little more mother than my own, and I feel slightly less independant than when I was with my own parents. Nothing that's a big deal, just... well, it's not so much that I'm not ALLOWED to stay up after midnight to watch TV, just that I feel a lot of pressure not to.
Whereas my own parents (although my dad would occasionally declare "bedtime" at anywhere between 8:30pm to 3:00am for no reason other than that he wanted to hog the TV - and I'd usually ignore him), my parents normally left me alone when it came to regulating my own bedtime.
Part of the reason, I think, is that I've taken a nap during the day on a couple of days, and Eel's assumed that that's because I didn't get enough sleep at night, but it's more that I walk everywhere, and it's summer, and the sun of the heat makes me sleepy, and when I've walked for a couple of hours out in the hot sun, when I get back to the house, I feel like taking a nap. It's nothing to do with how much sleep I got the night before.
Anyway, I am a guest and going to bed before midnight isn't that big of a deal, (and I have my computer set up in my room anyway so...) but I just think it's ironic that, in a baby-step of stepping out on my own, I feel slightly more regulated than I did when I lived with my parents.
13 November 2010
10 November 2010
What Are You Looking At?
Well, I've officially moved out of my parents' house... into another family's house! I've traded my family for a different one. For the time being. It's only temporary but it gives me a bit more time to find a more permanent place.
In case anyone was wondering what happened to the houses I mentioned in a previous post, I was almost going to move in to one of the houses when I just got a bad feeling about it. I didn't like the way the landlord was doing business, and so I kind of bailed at the last minute. A couple of times I wondered if it was the right thing to do, considering how cheap the rent was, but... well, there was a reason the rent was cheap, and I think I am a fairly good judge of character. But some family friends have offered to lend out their room for me for a couple of months, which gives me a bit more time to find a new place.
My mum probably would have moved out by now, too.
The family is a lovely one. Eel, the mother, has been lovely and welcoming. I haven't seen as much of Bike, the dad, since I moved in, today being the first day I've seen him at home. (He may have been around yesterday but I was out until late then.) Then there are the daughters, Cubby (who is finishing her first year of Uni) and Jet (who is nearing the end of year nine.) Then there is Millie, the dog, who has decided that she is my new best friend.
One thing I'm sad about, though, is that there's only one week left of TAFE, and what's worse, I don't plan on going back next year. I'm going to miss it sooo much! I'll miss the people there, the teachers, the classes, probably even the buildings... it's such a cool place to be. I recently got an email from a friend of mine who used to do the course and now is studying something else at Box Hill, and she said that while at Holmesglen everyone talked to each other and knew each other, and she felt welcomed and made friends, but at Box Hill she said there's no social equity, that it's all organised into cliques, and that she just hasn't been able get to know anybody. And I have felt that I've always been able to talk to people at TAFE, I have made some wonderful friends who I still am in contact with even though some of them are no longer doing the course, as well as those people who I probably won't stay in contact with but who have been a pleasure to know and have always been willing to hang out or chat. It is the latter that I'm going to miss, (as the former I can always make plans to see each other and visit each other.) It's those people who you like and get along with, but haven't quite gotten to know each other well enough to make plans outside of TAFE. This is what facebook is good for, I imagine, as I would still be able to stay in contact with many of them, but it's still not the same.
Yesterday was the booklaunch for our class to launch our book, "What Are You Looking At?" for Small Press Publishing, and we had John Safran (who contributed to the foreword) launch the book for us. The booklaunch was at Borders. Anyway, the teacher had given me a tray of sushi to offer to people, which I was doing when I saw John Safran arrive. I just happened to be the first to notice him arrive and so I approached him and offered him some sushi. He said, "Oh no! I just had that exact same thing downstairs. If only I had known!"
Anyway, they did the speeches and the launch and I went around getting my copy of the book autographed by the various authors in it, as well as John Safran. He writes on my book (in large, capital letters)
HELLO GREEN THANK YOU FOR OFFERING ME SUSHI. I WOULD HAVE HAD SOME BUT I'D JUST HAD SOME DOWNSTAIRS. (signed John Safran).
Afterwards some of us went to the city to celebrate at a pub, and it was fun. I didn't get back to my (new) home until just after midnight.
27 October 2010
Arthur
Yeah, I know this show is for eight years old. Yeah, I'm twenty-five and I watch it. What of it?
And no matter what age you are, you've gotta love the opening theme song!
And no matter what age you are, you've gotta love the opening theme song!
26 October 2010
Today and stuff
I used to be good at writing interesting blogs (I think) I mean, before this blog. Now this blog it's all about, boo, my parents are splitting up! Boo, I need to find a place to live! Boo, I need a job! Bleh. Whatever. Boooring.
Not that it matters. I have, like, one person who looks at this blog. Maybe occasionally two. And I'm not sure if I really want more people to. I mean, maybe I do a little bit, but maybe there is one or two people who I might not want to read this blog. I mean, not that there's anything here that I would be required to ostracise myself from society if the wrong person looked at it, but... um... I dunno. Whatever.
So, uh... I'm not good at being interesting when I'm trying to be. I'm sleepy.
People keep saying that the more interviews I go to, the more confident I'll start to be in interviews. But I don't really get how being rejected after an interview makes me more confident about them.
I had some talky thingy today for class and I did my talky thingy as part of a group. It went okay, I think. I mean, at least, it didn't go horribly. When I picked my topic (earlier in the year) about what I was going to talk about, I was like, "Ooh, look at me being all controversial and brave!" And then as it got closer and closer, I was thinking, "This was a stupid idea and I only chose it in a moment of rebellion to demonstrate my difference to the majority of the people in the course and that's a stupid reason to pick a subject when I should've picked something that is actually informative and useful to the class." But whatever, I'd already chosen it and I didn't do enough research, anyway, because I'd been busy about worrying about stuff in my life and stuff, and so in the end it was probably a good idea that I picked something that I had some interest in because even when I got up there thinking I was completely unprepared and would have nothing to say but complete fluff, I found that I did have more to say about the topic than I thought I did and I don't know if any of it was actually informative and useful to anyone else, but standing up there and saying, "Yep, I didn't do enough research on this topic that could've been informative and useful" probably wouldn't have been much good to anyone else, anyway.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, our group had to do a presentation on non-fiction, and each member of our group focussed on a specific form of non-fiction, (except one who did a general overview) and I chose to do Christian non-fiction. Well, religious non-fiction so I also talked about the atheist books and stuff, but mostly concentrated on Christian non-fiction because that's what I knew and that's what was in my bookshelf. Anyway, the majority (although not all) of the people in the course are atheists and regularly ridicule Christianity.
The end.
Not that it matters. I have, like, one person who looks at this blog. Maybe occasionally two. And I'm not sure if I really want more people to. I mean, maybe I do a little bit, but maybe there is one or two people who I might not want to read this blog. I mean, not that there's anything here that I would be required to ostracise myself from society if the wrong person looked at it, but... um... I dunno. Whatever.
So, uh... I'm not good at being interesting when I'm trying to be. I'm sleepy.
People keep saying that the more interviews I go to, the more confident I'll start to be in interviews. But I don't really get how being rejected after an interview makes me more confident about them.
I had some talky thingy today for class and I did my talky thingy as part of a group. It went okay, I think. I mean, at least, it didn't go horribly. When I picked my topic (earlier in the year) about what I was going to talk about, I was like, "Ooh, look at me being all controversial and brave!" And then as it got closer and closer, I was thinking, "This was a stupid idea and I only chose it in a moment of rebellion to demonstrate my difference to the majority of the people in the course and that's a stupid reason to pick a subject when I should've picked something that is actually informative and useful to the class." But whatever, I'd already chosen it and I didn't do enough research, anyway, because I'd been busy about worrying about stuff in my life and stuff, and so in the end it was probably a good idea that I picked something that I had some interest in because even when I got up there thinking I was completely unprepared and would have nothing to say but complete fluff, I found that I did have more to say about the topic than I thought I did and I don't know if any of it was actually informative and useful to anyone else, but standing up there and saying, "Yep, I didn't do enough research on this topic that could've been informative and useful" probably wouldn't have been much good to anyone else, anyway.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, our group had to do a presentation on non-fiction, and each member of our group focussed on a specific form of non-fiction, (except one who did a general overview) and I chose to do Christian non-fiction. Well, religious non-fiction so I also talked about the atheist books and stuff, but mostly concentrated on Christian non-fiction because that's what I knew and that's what was in my bookshelf. Anyway, the majority (although not all) of the people in the course are atheists and regularly ridicule Christianity.
The end.
22 October 2010
Things are moving
Well, I guess things might be happening, soon. There are two houses that I'm looking at, and whereas I don't yet know whether the one I'm most interested in is going to be offered me, there is another one which I'm fairly sure I've got if I want it. So I guess things might be happening soon.
I'm also getting plenty of job interviews, so, if any of them go well, I might also be having a job, too. Unfortunately, job interviews aren't my strong suit but we'll see.
So... yeah, I guess it's happening. Good thing, too, because I was starting to run out of time to find a place.
Nothing's certain yet, but I feel a bit better about the situation than I did a couple weeks ago.
I'm also getting plenty of job interviews, so, if any of them go well, I might also be having a job, too. Unfortunately, job interviews aren't my strong suit but we'll see.
So... yeah, I guess it's happening. Good thing, too, because I was starting to run out of time to find a place.
Nothing's certain yet, but I feel a bit better about the situation than I did a couple weeks ago.
06 October 2010
My Future
Well... life has been kind of stressful for me lately for various reasons. One of them is that I'll be forced to move in about a month's time, and I don't yet know where I'm going to be living or who I'm going to be living with. I do know that, no matter what, the details of my life are going to change. I don't know how, but it definately will.
None of my options are ideal but I do have a couple.
1. Live with Mum.
This has a couple of pros but one big con. It's far away from my life and stuff I care about. She's moving far away out into the country. I visited the house she's going to buy and it's a really nice place. There's two bedrooms. She even mentioned that if I did live with her, I could have the master bedroom (since she won't need it and there's not much room elsewhere where I could keep my computer. She uses a laptop) which is really generous of her. It's even aross the road from this all-purpose convenience store. It's a nice place to live, and I wouldn't hate it. Living with mum would be really nice, too... but I'd have to leave my life, and I'm not quite willing to do that.
2. Live with Dad.
Okay, this isn't really an option and I've already decided against this. Dad's moving to Sydney, even further away than mum is, and to probably somewhere not as nice. Nor do I even get along with my dad that well. I love him, but he's a very stressful person to live with. The one benefit to this is that it's geographically closer to my brother, but it's not like I'm that emotionally close to my brother or anything, and I'd just be trading proximity to one sibling for proximity to another.
3. Live with my sister.
My sister and her husband have kindly offered me space in their house until I can get my own place. They have a spare room I can use, and one of the most tempting parts of their offer is their electronics and gaming system. The other is that they live in Melbourne. Unfortunately, they live at the wrong side of Melbourne, which means that commuting to places where I have commitments might, unlike the previous two options, be plausible, it'd also be extremely inconvenient and problematic. The other concern is that although I'd have no issues with taking advantage my parents's hospitality, who are my parents, staying with my married sister, I'd feel like a bit of a burden. In any case, it'd be a temporary arrangement most likely and this may be the best option in the short term if I don't get any better options.
4. Find my own place.
This is the one I'm hoping for but it is also one that I don't know if it will be on the table on time. Until recently, this was impossible since I did not have a large enough income to support myself, to pay for my own food let alone pay rent. I have recently started being on the dole, however. (One of the other things I have been stressed about lately.) So now I'm getting some money from the government, it's a matter of finding a place that is both cheap enough and close enough to public transport that I can get to places I need to get to. It's also scary. I have no experience in how much it does actually cost to eat and buy stuff, or any of that stuff that most adults probably should know about, as I've never had to take care of that kind of stuff and there's a good chance I'm going to bad at it.
None of my options are ideal but I do have a couple.
1. Live with Mum.
This has a couple of pros but one big con. It's far away from my life and stuff I care about. She's moving far away out into the country. I visited the house she's going to buy and it's a really nice place. There's two bedrooms. She even mentioned that if I did live with her, I could have the master bedroom (since she won't need it and there's not much room elsewhere where I could keep my computer. She uses a laptop) which is really generous of her. It's even aross the road from this all-purpose convenience store. It's a nice place to live, and I wouldn't hate it. Living with mum would be really nice, too... but I'd have to leave my life, and I'm not quite willing to do that.
2. Live with Dad.
Okay, this isn't really an option and I've already decided against this. Dad's moving to Sydney, even further away than mum is, and to probably somewhere not as nice. Nor do I even get along with my dad that well. I love him, but he's a very stressful person to live with. The one benefit to this is that it's geographically closer to my brother, but it's not like I'm that emotionally close to my brother or anything, and I'd just be trading proximity to one sibling for proximity to another.
3. Live with my sister.
My sister and her husband have kindly offered me space in their house until I can get my own place. They have a spare room I can use, and one of the most tempting parts of their offer is their electronics and gaming system. The other is that they live in Melbourne. Unfortunately, they live at the wrong side of Melbourne, which means that commuting to places where I have commitments might, unlike the previous two options, be plausible, it'd also be extremely inconvenient and problematic. The other concern is that although I'd have no issues with taking advantage my parents's hospitality, who are my parents, staying with my married sister, I'd feel like a bit of a burden. In any case, it'd be a temporary arrangement most likely and this may be the best option in the short term if I don't get any better options.
4. Find my own place.
This is the one I'm hoping for but it is also one that I don't know if it will be on the table on time. Until recently, this was impossible since I did not have a large enough income to support myself, to pay for my own food let alone pay rent. I have recently started being on the dole, however. (One of the other things I have been stressed about lately.) So now I'm getting some money from the government, it's a matter of finding a place that is both cheap enough and close enough to public transport that I can get to places I need to get to. It's also scary. I have no experience in how much it does actually cost to eat and buy stuff, or any of that stuff that most adults probably should know about, as I've never had to take care of that kind of stuff and there's a good chance I'm going to bad at it.
13 September 2010
Bringing Back Memories
Yesterday our church had a special "Horizon" service. Horizon is their sports-and-outdoors ministry. They have netball and futsal teams that play against other teams and stuff like that, and also organise the outdoors stuff like hiking and skiing for those who are interested.
So yesterday they had a football day followed by the "special Horizon service" which took place of the regular evening service. I didn't go to the football thing but I did go to the service, which had an emphasis on "goals" and "athletics". They also looked at Timothy where it says stuff about goals and reaching for the prize or something.
They framed the service to relate to people who are into sports and appreciate athletics and competition. In other words, not me.
And halfway during the service, I got a flashback of my own athelitics-related traumatic memory that could very well be the source of my aversion to be a part of any formalised competetion to do with physical ability!
I was about seven or eight years old and it was one of those school athletic days where our school was competing against other schools. I had never been a sporty person, always preferring to stay indoors reading a book than be outdoors and running. But the teachers would put a lot of pressure on the students to compete, and I was one of those kids who took things that teachers said seriously. Not that I was a suck-up and wanted to impress the teachers or anything like that, but because I was a "true believer" and took to heart everything that adults told me. So when they urged the students to "support the school" and to have "school spirit" and all that rubbish, I took it to heart and considered it a duty to do that which I would normally choose not to, and to try my best.
So I participated in the relay race. And when I had the baton, I ran and ran, I ran as fast as I could which, although I knew wasn't very fast at all, it was faster than I had ever ran before. I was actually enjoying it, getting excited, thinking that I probably wasn't doing too bad! I had no idea how well I was doing compared to the competitors, I'm pretty sure I was completely oblivious to them, being completely absorbed in my own running, feeling that this was the best running I had ever done in my life. I get to the end and passed the baton on, where immediately I am confronted by one of my righteous team-members, who immediately begins lecturing me about how, as part of a team where others were relying on me, I should have at least put an effort into my running and how I should be ashamed of myself for not really even trying and how I let the team down.
I remember that from that moment, I told myself that I'd never, ever let a teacher use "school spirit" and "duty" to guilt me into participating in one of those athletic days, whether it was an external thing against other school or an internal thing against team houses. I didn't care. I had ever since been adverse to any kind of formalised competition, as well as to running. I also, perhaps unjustly since (with the exception of one other non-sports related incident where, again, she was being self-righteous and telling me off about something that she didn't understand) she never did anything to me that I could criticise in the coming years, I had a strong dislike of that girl. (Her going out with the boy I had a crush on in highschool probably didn't help, either, actually.)
On a brighter note, they talked about the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt, which always twinges my heartstrings.
So yesterday they had a football day followed by the "special Horizon service" which took place of the regular evening service. I didn't go to the football thing but I did go to the service, which had an emphasis on "goals" and "athletics". They also looked at Timothy where it says stuff about goals and reaching for the prize or something.
They framed the service to relate to people who are into sports and appreciate athletics and competition. In other words, not me.
And halfway during the service, I got a flashback of my own athelitics-related traumatic memory that could very well be the source of my aversion to be a part of any formalised competetion to do with physical ability!
I was about seven or eight years old and it was one of those school athletic days where our school was competing against other schools. I had never been a sporty person, always preferring to stay indoors reading a book than be outdoors and running. But the teachers would put a lot of pressure on the students to compete, and I was one of those kids who took things that teachers said seriously. Not that I was a suck-up and wanted to impress the teachers or anything like that, but because I was a "true believer" and took to heart everything that adults told me. So when they urged the students to "support the school" and to have "school spirit" and all that rubbish, I took it to heart and considered it a duty to do that which I would normally choose not to, and to try my best.
So I participated in the relay race. And when I had the baton, I ran and ran, I ran as fast as I could which, although I knew wasn't very fast at all, it was faster than I had ever ran before. I was actually enjoying it, getting excited, thinking that I probably wasn't doing too bad! I had no idea how well I was doing compared to the competitors, I'm pretty sure I was completely oblivious to them, being completely absorbed in my own running, feeling that this was the best running I had ever done in my life. I get to the end and passed the baton on, where immediately I am confronted by one of my righteous team-members, who immediately begins lecturing me about how, as part of a team where others were relying on me, I should have at least put an effort into my running and how I should be ashamed of myself for not really even trying and how I let the team down.
I remember that from that moment, I told myself that I'd never, ever let a teacher use "school spirit" and "duty" to guilt me into participating in one of those athletic days, whether it was an external thing against other school or an internal thing against team houses. I didn't care. I had ever since been adverse to any kind of formalised competition, as well as to running. I also, perhaps unjustly since (with the exception of one other non-sports related incident where, again, she was being self-righteous and telling me off about something that she didn't understand) she never did anything to me that I could criticise in the coming years, I had a strong dislike of that girl. (Her going out with the boy I had a crush on in highschool probably didn't help, either, actually.)
On a brighter note, they talked about the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt, which always twinges my heartstrings.
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