I had a pretty good day today, overall. My good friend, jestar goes to this mother's group and she was saying how the place needed more helpers to look after the kids while the mothers talked, and so invited me to come along so I could be a helper. I decided to come along and I got a lot out of the experience. I think I will continue volunteering there for the time being while my Thursdays are free.
I don't really understand people who don't like kids. Is frustrated by kids, is confounded by kids, is worn out by kids, is overwhelmed by kids, is scared of kids, does not relate to kids, is not good with kids, yeah, those are all things I get. Don't like kids? How is that possible? These creatures, all completely human creatures, all possessing human genius and imagination, but who have not learned to be held back by self-imposed social restrictions.
They were all beautiful, each in their own individual way.
One highlight:
Girl1: Did you know... I'm a girl, and my mum's also a girl!
Me: Yeah?
Girl2: Yeah! And, and, my mum's also a girl, and I'm a girl, too!
Girl1: But my dad's a boy.
Girl2: Yeah, my dad's a boy, too.
Girl1: I think it's because mums are girls and dads are boys.
Me: That's very true. I also have a mum who is a girl and a dad who is a boy.
Afterwards I went back with jestar to her house and hung out with her. She's a wonderful friend and I love spending time with her. It was a pretty good day.
However, not so good is that today mum was saying that I might have to choose between going to Castlemaine with her, or Sydney with dad, if I can't find a way to support myself so I can stay in Melbourne.
Which sucks.
20 May 2010
18 May 2010
Dreams
I had lots of fragmented dreams last night, as a result of a fragmented sleep, probably a result of sleeping on the floor of a different house. I can't really remember the earlier ones, but the last one was that I was a stealthy assassin. And there was also one where something was happening, I don't remember what, but then I decided I would start flying, so I started flying, and then I said to myself, "I forgot I could lucid-dream!" and then I started flying through glass windows, because when I lucid-dream, I fly through glass windows. Because flying and being able to go through glass seem to be my lucid-dreaming super powers.
17 May 2010
My week
Saturday: Went to a 21st. It was a lot of fun, got to chat with some friends, as well as met a couple of people for the first time.
Sunday: Went to a friend's house after her husband got into a car accident. And also went to church.
Today: I'm at my friend's house while my mum's giving her husband a lift to the hospital. My friend is lying with her toddler until he gets to sleep. I will stay the night and walk to class in the morning from here.
Wednesday: Going to hang out with a (different) friend after class and then going to go to bible study.
Saturday: Going to the city to meet up with some friends I know from the internet. I've met them in person once before. One of them is from America.
Sunday: There's some open forum happening before church, something about gender equality from a biblical/Christian perspective, I think, which sounds interesting, so I think I will go to that. Then, church.
The baby's still not asleep. I have a feeling it may be a long night.
Sunday: Went to a friend's house after her husband got into a car accident. And also went to church.
Today: I'm at my friend's house while my mum's giving her husband a lift to the hospital. My friend is lying with her toddler until he gets to sleep. I will stay the night and walk to class in the morning from here.
Wednesday: Going to hang out with a (different) friend after class and then going to go to bible study.
Saturday: Going to the city to meet up with some friends I know from the internet. I've met them in person once before. One of them is from America.
Sunday: There's some open forum happening before church, something about gender equality from a biblical/Christian perspective, I think, which sounds interesting, so I think I will go to that. Then, church.
The baby's still not asleep. I have a feeling it may be a long night.
11 May 2010
Just stuff
I feel like updating, but not really sure what to blog about. Well, one thing I could blog about is this game/story-telling program that I'm really getting into. I won't explain what it is, here, but you can check it out at this site. I'll tell you one thing, it's really fun! Also, time-consuming when I should be doing my myths and symbols homework, instead.
Church has become the highlight of my week. I've only really been going recently since the end of last year, to be honest, I went through a phase when I was being really lazy about church for a few years before then, there were a couple of reasons, but not really ones that were "good enough" to not go to church. I have always known that church was an important part of my relationship with God, but it's too easy to get lazy about it. Recently I decided to stop being lazy about it, and I'm glad because that decision has been bringing me a lot of joy.
So... yeah, church is basically the highlight of my week. I remember when it was the highlight of my week before my "lazy period", too.
There is a birthday party I'm going to this weekend, which I'm looking forward to. And then another one a fortnight from then.
I'm trying to not like a certain fellow so much, (not that he doesn't deserve my interest, but that he doesn't seem to share it, and I don't want to go through that whole "unrequited infatuation" thing that has always been my lot in life.) It's hard when he goes around being a remarkable person and then when a group of people decide to go out for dinner after church (it's an evening service) the one person there who knows about my feelings is all like, "Oh, you can sit on the couch bit if you want (metaphorical wink)," which happens to be right next to where he's already sitting. Hmmf.
Lots of people are having babies. Or have just had babies.
I should probably be doing homework right now.
Until next time.
Church has become the highlight of my week. I've only really been going recently since the end of last year, to be honest, I went through a phase when I was being really lazy about church for a few years before then, there were a couple of reasons, but not really ones that were "good enough" to not go to church. I have always known that church was an important part of my relationship with God, but it's too easy to get lazy about it. Recently I decided to stop being lazy about it, and I'm glad because that decision has been bringing me a lot of joy.
So... yeah, church is basically the highlight of my week. I remember when it was the highlight of my week before my "lazy period", too.
There is a birthday party I'm going to this weekend, which I'm looking forward to. And then another one a fortnight from then.
I'm trying to not like a certain fellow so much, (not that he doesn't deserve my interest, but that he doesn't seem to share it, and I don't want to go through that whole "unrequited infatuation" thing that has always been my lot in life.) It's hard when he goes around being a remarkable person and then when a group of people decide to go out for dinner after church (it's an evening service) the one person there who knows about my feelings is all like, "Oh, you can sit on the couch bit if you want (metaphorical wink)," which happens to be right next to where he's already sitting. Hmmf.
Lots of people are having babies. Or have just had babies.
I should probably be doing homework right now.
Until next time.
28 April 2010
Approach to Prayer
I was reading this blog entry about praying, and it got me thinking about different attitudes a person can have towards prayer.
I think it's hard to know what the right attitude one needs for prayer; I find it to be a process of constant tweaking throughout a person's life, when they realise, hang on, this isn't necessarily the best approach to prayer, I need to be more humble. Then, later on, hang on, I don't always trust all my troubles to God, I need to be more open. But I think the more one prays, even if your praying might not start out with the best approach, the more God can do that tweaking and growing of you, the more your prayers will be aligned with God's desires?
When I was much younger and more foolish than now, I prayed to God that "[a certain boy] would start liking me and want to date me, and that in return, I would always put this much of my pocket money in the collection bowl in church; and actually, no, I will do that anyway, because I know I'm not supposed to bargain with you like that, and if it's something I should be doing I should do it, anyway, instead of trying to withold from you because I want something so I'm sorry please forgive me but could you make this boy like me, anyway? I really really want him to. Amen."
Or something along those lines.
During and after I had prayed that I knew the prayer was just wrong. It felt wrong and I felt really guilty about it. But even in the praying of it God was teaching me about prayer. God also answered that prayer pretty much immediately. The most immediate answer to prayer that I had ever gotten. The answer was, "No, I'm not going to force him to like you." Very clearly. It wasn't anything that happened that gave me a sign, it was pretty much just a resounding "No" that I felt inside of me, and I knew not to make a prayer like that, again. Perhaps I should've prayed: I'm lonely, I really like this guy, I'm struggling with feelings of frustration/rejection/uncertainty, please help me through this, and come to terms with the situation, regardless of what happens or doesn't happen.
Anyway, this issue has come up again more recently in my life, although in a slightly different context. It has to do with my parents. They are splitting up. When I was first told about this, I was devastated. I went to take it to God and I was at a lost at what I should pray. There were two approaches I could see:
A) Pray that they work it out and don't split up. After all, God never celebrates when a marriage is broken up. But would that just be another case of trying to get God to impose what I want onto a situation, and deluding myself into thinking they might still stay together?
B) Pray that they'll both find happiness and forgiveness, regardless of what happens, and that I can find acceptance and peace with the situation. Them breaking up might not be a good thing but it's happening and so I have to handle the situation for what it is. But by accepting the situation, am I not trusting God enough to be able to heal their marriage, no matter how unlikely it seems right now?
I'm not saying one approach is better than the other. Probably one approach IS better than the other, but I don't know which one. I don't think it's wrong to tell God what you want, desire, hope for, but I think there's a difference between sharing and being honest with God with what's on your heart, and telling God so he can fulfill them for you. But I don't really know. I worry about using prayer to impose my will, instead of using it to fulfill God's will. It is a balance in prayer that I often struggle with.
God's will be done. Amen.
I think it's hard to know what the right attitude one needs for prayer; I find it to be a process of constant tweaking throughout a person's life, when they realise, hang on, this isn't necessarily the best approach to prayer, I need to be more humble. Then, later on, hang on, I don't always trust all my troubles to God, I need to be more open. But I think the more one prays, even if your praying might not start out with the best approach, the more God can do that tweaking and growing of you, the more your prayers will be aligned with God's desires?
When I was much younger and more foolish than now, I prayed to God that "[a certain boy] would start liking me and want to date me, and that in return, I would always put this much of my pocket money in the collection bowl in church; and actually, no, I will do that anyway, because I know I'm not supposed to bargain with you like that, and if it's something I should be doing I should do it, anyway, instead of trying to withold from you because I want something so I'm sorry please forgive me but could you make this boy like me, anyway? I really really want him to. Amen."
Or something along those lines.
During and after I had prayed that I knew the prayer was just wrong. It felt wrong and I felt really guilty about it. But even in the praying of it God was teaching me about prayer. God also answered that prayer pretty much immediately. The most immediate answer to prayer that I had ever gotten. The answer was, "No, I'm not going to force him to like you." Very clearly. It wasn't anything that happened that gave me a sign, it was pretty much just a resounding "No" that I felt inside of me, and I knew not to make a prayer like that, again. Perhaps I should've prayed: I'm lonely, I really like this guy, I'm struggling with feelings of frustration/rejection/uncertainty, please help me through this, and come to terms with the situation, regardless of what happens or doesn't happen.
Anyway, this issue has come up again more recently in my life, although in a slightly different context. It has to do with my parents. They are splitting up. When I was first told about this, I was devastated. I went to take it to God and I was at a lost at what I should pray. There were two approaches I could see:
A) Pray that they work it out and don't split up. After all, God never celebrates when a marriage is broken up. But would that just be another case of trying to get God to impose what I want onto a situation, and deluding myself into thinking they might still stay together?
B) Pray that they'll both find happiness and forgiveness, regardless of what happens, and that I can find acceptance and peace with the situation. Them breaking up might not be a good thing but it's happening and so I have to handle the situation for what it is. But by accepting the situation, am I not trusting God enough to be able to heal their marriage, no matter how unlikely it seems right now?
I'm not saying one approach is better than the other. Probably one approach IS better than the other, but I don't know which one. I don't think it's wrong to tell God what you want, desire, hope for, but I think there's a difference between sharing and being honest with God with what's on your heart, and telling God so he can fulfill them for you. But I don't really know. I worry about using prayer to impose my will, instead of using it to fulfill God's will. It is a balance in prayer that I often struggle with.
God's will be done. Amen.
25 April 2010
cliques and cliches
I wonder if highschool in America is really like how they show on American TV and movies, in the sense that there is a "goth" group, and a "preppy" group, and a "nerd" group, and a "jock and cheerleader" group. Maybe it's because we had to wear school uniforms or something, but highschool was never like that for me. Yeah, we had different groups forming but they weren't founded on cliches. I don't remember a "goth" group or a "nerd" group... and playing sports didn't make anyone cooler and being smart didn't make anyone less cool. Or maybe it did and I was just oblivious to it all?
And it's not like the "goths" or "jocks" or "nerds" mixed, it was as simple as no one identified themselves or each other with those labels. I don't even think I learned what a "jock" was until after I left highschool.
Does anyone have an experience of high school that WAS anything like it's portrayed on TV? Or is it just the people who write TV shows who think highschool is like that? Was my highschool an exception? Or is it just in America where they aren't required to wear school uniforms?
And it's not like the "goths" or "jocks" or "nerds" mixed, it was as simple as no one identified themselves or each other with those labels. I don't even think I learned what a "jock" was until after I left highschool.
Does anyone have an experience of high school that WAS anything like it's portrayed on TV? Or is it just the people who write TV shows who think highschool is like that? Was my highschool an exception? Or is it just in America where they aren't required to wear school uniforms?
19 April 2010
Your Karma Ran Over My Dogma
MY PET PEEVE: Karma.
I don't have anything against the idea of Karma itself, it's just the way people who have little understanding of it seem to throw it around like their mantra. I've even had a devoted atheist (devoted to their atheism, that is) tell me they believe in Karma. If a devoted Hindu person spoke to me about Karma, it would not bother me. I suppose I don't even mind (that much) how Westerners seem to have adopted the word to fit their own meaning.
(I don't really know that much about karma, so I could be wrong, but from what I understand of it is that it's something that may take lifetimes before consequences manifest, I find it interesting the way that Westerners seemed to have Big Macced it - it's more about Instant Gratification than anything of real substance.)
No, language evolves and we adopt different words to fit our meaning. It used to annoy me more than it does, but I've gotten past that aspect. The thing that annoys me is the way that, when somebody complains about that jerk of a co-worker, they, or their friend who's trying to make them feel better by validating their complaints, makes a comment like, "Don't worry, Karma will get them." Or, "I hope they get a taste of their own Karma!"
What happens to others as a result of their actions has little to do with me, and I have better motivations for trying to do right and not doing wrong than hoping or fearing that it will come back to me. I don't believe in Karma, but even if I did, taking satisfaction in imagining that Karma will avenge your petty grievances seems unworthy of the concept.
Another thought:
When I hear somebody say "God will punish you!" I flinch. It goes against my sensibilities as a follower of God to think that a human can be so arrogant to command God or even anticipate his wrath. For someone who claims to follow the ways of Karma, isn't just as grating to say, "Karma will get you!"?
I don't have anything against the idea of Karma itself, it's just the way people who have little understanding of it seem to throw it around like their mantra. I've even had a devoted atheist (devoted to their atheism, that is) tell me they believe in Karma. If a devoted Hindu person spoke to me about Karma, it would not bother me. I suppose I don't even mind (that much) how Westerners seem to have adopted the word to fit their own meaning.
(I don't really know that much about karma, so I could be wrong, but from what I understand of it is that it's something that may take lifetimes before consequences manifest, I find it interesting the way that Westerners seemed to have Big Macced it - it's more about Instant Gratification than anything of real substance.)
No, language evolves and we adopt different words to fit our meaning. It used to annoy me more than it does, but I've gotten past that aspect. The thing that annoys me is the way that, when somebody complains about that jerk of a co-worker, they, or their friend who's trying to make them feel better by validating their complaints, makes a comment like, "Don't worry, Karma will get them." Or, "I hope they get a taste of their own Karma!"
What happens to others as a result of their actions has little to do with me, and I have better motivations for trying to do right and not doing wrong than hoping or fearing that it will come back to me. I don't believe in Karma, but even if I did, taking satisfaction in imagining that Karma will avenge your petty grievances seems unworthy of the concept.
Another thought:
When I hear somebody say "God will punish you!" I flinch. It goes against my sensibilities as a follower of God to think that a human can be so arrogant to command God or even anticipate his wrath. For someone who claims to follow the ways of Karma, isn't just as grating to say, "Karma will get you!"?
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